i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
