I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
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Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
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Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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