i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
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Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
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All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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