your parents love me but you hate me
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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