You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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