i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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