He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
