chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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