sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
