I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
