Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Im part way to drunk.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
