she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
