can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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