Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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