he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
