so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
