I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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