It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
