Sacagawea was the original milf.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
