Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
