i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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