When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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