she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
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He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
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I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.