I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
I am invincible.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.