New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm