i can't believe i had my finger in that
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did