Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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