I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just blew my weed a kiss
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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