your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
