I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
