easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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