I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
