Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
