i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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