Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize