Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
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just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
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My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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