I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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