Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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