Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
