One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
