I'm eating all of the evidence.
you would pick up someone in the library
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
