Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize