Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
