Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
