everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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