I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
