is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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