Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
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Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
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Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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