just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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