"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
