I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
