just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
this is an emotional support booty call
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize