U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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