The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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