is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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