Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
