My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
