so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
BRING THE BAGELS
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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