No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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