Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize