I hope mine doesn't look like that
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
