He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
false alarm. still invincible.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
