She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
