i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
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Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
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WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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