kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
