I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
