I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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