Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
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I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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