so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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