You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
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I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
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Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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