It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
