Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
A+ Viking dick
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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