we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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