K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Four minutes until I can fart!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
