I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
