I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize