I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
